3 Monthsary.....

3 month anniversary...spent few days night keep rushing around to figure out a gift for A...something memorable...something special...something funny...something i did not try b4...started brainstorming... She like to read...she like something small...she write my hand-writing for no reason...she like something portable...and my final decision was a small notebook with my handwriting...lousy idea right...?!><>

When was i actually starting this plan?...technically...i month ++ ago...cant remember the exactly date...that day i was on LRT from KJ to my station...bored and cold inside...thinking any way else to make A happy...looked around and found my inspiration...had some ideas was still blur...needed to be arranged...let it be...

Few days later...realized 3 month anniversary was coming...ish...threw out the ideas and made it feasible...think think think...1^st time planning the content was at my working place food court...having a lunch break...took out a bus ticket and pen...start writing every 1^st time experience...every thought and feeling on it...trying hard to recall every single conversation and the initial feeling...i love to design...especially using a crab and rubbish to design something useful...but i dun think i wan use rubbish to design A’s anniversary gift..==’’’Im lazy to update my blog of English...i used to try anything but not to related to English...but this time...im using English to record everything and made it as a book....==’’’Sooooo Challenging...>

Using English....Arg!!!!!

Using English and hand writing...Aaaarg!!!!!!

Using English and hand-writing for a Book....AAAAAAARG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Day by day....time was really running out...and finally my hand was injured...ish...rest rest rest...recovered and started again...till 1 day left...suddenly think of she love paper cut?! Ish...!!!Calm and think...”one day left....was it possible to finish paper cutting and writing...!?coz paper cutting was time consuming and not as simple as thinking...summore i really din try b4...how if i fail the paper cutting and not enough time to finish writing...?”...Arg!!!DUN CARE!!!When The Problem Come...It Will Be Solved Automatically!!!! Spent whole night to finish it at most...

Countdown 15 hours...Progress slow and done only 60%....Ish...

Countdown 14 hours...Dunno whether to start paper cutting...online research sample to get idea...

Countdown 13 hours...Got the idea...keep on repeating select the suitable photo to make photo cutting...but fail...some picture i love was not suitable and hard for me to cut...started fed up and wanted to give up...T.T...

Countdown 12 hours...Lye on my mattress...juz felt tired and stress...opened my wallet and looked at the couple photo...suddenly i juz like in cartoon story...light bulb appear on my head..^^search for that photo softcopy and decide to take it as my sample coz this is full of our memory...

Countdown 11 hours...Problem solved...quickly collected my entire accessory and started the project...energy came back again...^^

Countdown 10 hours...Ish...the more i cut the more it looked weirder...it did not looked alike as a photo in my wallet...ish...modify modify modify!!!

Countdown 9 hours...eyes is tired...back is pain...hand is hurt...my room looked like rubbish dumb due to those tiny piece of papers i cut it out...

Countdown 8 hours...I had done 75%...start afraid i cant catch up the time...STRESS!!!

Countdown 7 hours...im done my paper cutting...^^and it looked...weird still..

Countdown 6 hours...after beautify..it finally looked normal...>.

Countdown 5 hours...Hungry...and lots work still...Skip breakfast...continues my work...

Countdown 4 hours...Its was 12pm in the afternoon...finally finally finally.......................................I FELL IN SLEEP.....OMG!!!!!!!!!

Countdown 3 hours...Skip my lunch as well...ish...feel like i must be looked like skeleton later...started my hand writing story...wass it possible to finish the rest...God bless me?

Countdown 2 hours...85% ARH!!!!!!!!!

Countdown 1 hour...90% almost....almost....almost....energy was fading...tiredness is increasing...

When the clock stroked 4 pm....fark...i really had to go...otherwise will get late...ish...Pray to God: Giv me 15 more minutes pls...i will fully utilise it..!!!Ish...2 % left b4 complete the project...i had to depart...I still remembered when the time i reached KJ...rain heavily...this was our 3 month anniversary...A lost her phone...cant contact her as well...I talked to god: ”nice challenge....==’’’...nice challenge... ”...Dropped her a msg told her will wait in front of the 7-11...otherwise she cant see me when she came...

10 minutes passed...Rain getting heavier...

20 minutes passed...Start felt cold...

30 minutes passed...I was thinking:”it was normal...i always wait for her such long...be patient...^”

40 minutes passed...Accident? Meeting canceled d? Din drop me a msg keh?

50 minutes passed...15 Honda City cars passed by...none of one was her...

1 hour passed...Sleepy and tired...and my back was pain still due to rushed whole night and sat in front of my desk...

1 hour 20 minutes passed...Still rain heavily...wind still strong...i was cold...my forehead was sweating...my consciousness started blur d...was standing near 7-11 door...and back stick on the wall...make sure i wont fall down if there was something happen to me...==

1 hour 30++minutes passed...finally she came...the phone lost story was true...she start told me the story...

Everything was spoil...atmosphere was spoil due to she was down and bad mood...chit chat around in the car and keep hugging her to warm her up...was thinking to delay the gift giving due to not completely finish...summore it was really not the good timing...even tat is a diamond ring...she will feel down as well...but...juz get a bet...maybe this gift will at least chill her up...even she will happy for only 5miuntes...that was enough...really enough for...secretly keep it in her back pack...knew she really dun had mood to celebrate...so juz let it be...

Maybe i did disappoint a bit...but...sometimes thing will out of my expectation...so...Sign...be optimism still^^If we were Loving each other...everyday was anniversary wat...>.<

Missing...

Suddenly feel hurt and wanna cry it out…Start missing someone today…trying to recall...she was disappeared for almost few days…just like yesterday we were still having fun but today…everything changed…suddenly disappear…tonight…start recalling every happy moment we had …her smile…voice…just like a kitty lie on my arms…act cute…speak mandarin to me…everything…everything…

Finally…I found her….but…there was kinda feeling that she was totally changed her mind…personality…thinking…everything…obviously…especially look at her face and eyes…I can only see her tired face…stress…and loss passion to everything…No…its more like toward me…

Empty container with other soul…brain wash…curse…stress…tired of everything…influence by someone…yes…is thinking of every single possible factor…

Missing her badly tonight….Lyn…where u been…I miss u…miss u…

Asthma....

Currently I am having asthma seriously….

Still remember last time whenever I get sick…it came to me…can not breath smoothly…feel like dying…><>

Since I stepped into college life…It started happen frequently whenever I get angry…stress…sick…tired…sad…dust…annoyed…sometimes even feel like my heartbeat can be stopped at any time… really wanna kill myself to quit from such painful…finally I knew the way to control it to make myself feel better…close my eyes…stay calm and have a deep breath….for me …it works…

Last time…sick was the main reason to bring this painful for me…but nowadays…the more I oppress my overload anger, stress, tired, and sad…the more I suffer from breathless…trying to be patient and optimism all the time…however…keep on challenge my patience and optimism ...i will be exploded and lost my mind some day…try imaging you put a firecracker inside a sealed container and keep on light up…the only thing you can see eventually is Break…what if the same thing happen to human…keep on stressing them?…mental problem…crazy…bad tempered…><

I used to describe I am a sleeping volcano…it seldom explodes does not mean it never explode… Having a stress and tired now…just wan to quit from my life…sleep on my bed…get into my dream…and hope I never wake up..

Lousy Surprise...

Finally today can meet up A for a couples hours….hmm…suddenly recall she like a Mango Strudels from the Savoury/ Bakery …she love to eat…actually I have no idea what’s its taste like and did not heard before from my friends regarding this brand….Did around 10 minutes research…finally found out its outlet location…menu…etc…i actually knew there is one of its outlets located at a shopping mall near my area ….but due to the transportation problem…and that outlet was usually out of stock..wtf..>

Than had to research for further information about the fastest way to reach there and rush to KJ meet her up…lolz…quite rush actually..but I think I can make it….^^Never try going Mid Valley alone sum more with public transport…fine…everything has its 1^st try…never worry about it…

Everything was decided…the left was to think carefully the flavor and bakery she love...if I got the wrong thing…then duh…every afford is wasted..Arg…Think Think Think…the only things I can think about is few words: Strudels…Mango…Tiramisu…suddenly felt regret I should listen what she had said last time...T.T…can’t remember the exactly bakery…fine…can’t even ask her the flavor she love…otherwise...there was no surprise at all and she is smart enough to guess what I am thinking…shit ...>

(Have to leave soon...Will follow my plan later...Wish me luck ba..)

At night…continue my writing…

After made my research in the morning…Yesss!!!After taking few public transport...i was reached at Mid Valley…the 1^st thing was to check the Diectory…n 1^st situation came out..There Was No STRUDELS outlet On Directory!!!! Then what the hell for I was busy for my research for whole morning!???Fine…maybe it was new outlet n Directory not yet updates...this was the only thing I can console my self…be optimism!!!Try to look around for tat outlet and hope I can get it and rush to KJ on time …Shop by shop…from south to north…top floor to lower ground floor… outside to inside…The Garden to Mid Valley….and the conclusion was…I cant found it><…Duh lol…fine lol..got something to replace….think think think…and looked at the Directory and started analysis one by one…

Dunkin Donut? Since she after worked she may get hungry...even she cant finish also can bring it back for supper or breakfast…but she seem did not mention Dunkin Donut before…just I think she will wont like to have it…so this Snake Out…

Starbuck? She love to drink ice blended CARAMEL …but ice blended…wait till she pick me up…I think ice blended melted oready…>

Final decision was Secret Recipe…Since she loved to eat cheese cake...especially from Secret Recipe…so I think this would be the best for her… ^^

Rushed to KJ and got rain all the way…Ish…whole body got wet…>

Any way…after waiting and waiting…meet up A and due to some problem existed…cant give the cake to her in proper way…ish…surprise failed again…have to learn the proper way to hide and present next time…ISH…. Anyway…as long as can meet her up…everything worth…!!!!^^

Xperience...

Date : 4/3/2010

Time : 20.04pm

Venue: In front of my laggy computer

Some times really envy friend’s couple life… Looking both of them support each other whenever face any tough moment …indestructible relationship always solve whatever barrier in front of them…before jump into a relationship, always think that is easy to maintain each other passion in long run relationship…as long as each other put some confidence and trust in this relationship. Some of my friends have been being in relationship for 3 years, some 5 years, some even get in to marriage…sometimes I really curious how do they make it...maintains a happiness relationship...hahaha…sound easy…

Before that…I thought I am actually prepared everything for it…but when Im actually involve in a relationship…damn…!!! Its not such simpe as I think…it is always exceed my expectation…as a beginner…everything have to start from zero…what to do…

Learn to be romanced (but every romance she experienced before..its nothing special to her d…),

Learn to give sweet talk (Last time I even learn sweet talk from magazine and internet…whenever I recall, I will scold myself why I am so stupid!!!Now I learn to be honest, talk from my heart…its more effective to be honest compare to fake sweet talk==’’’),

Give her a surprise secretly (Although I really never give her surprise successfully…not even once…she is too smart…mind reader…>< ) ,

Learn to be a good audience when she is talking (Last time I always like to interrupt when people talking, maybe I always been anxious to get more information),

Massage her when she is tired n apply cream on her hand and back after she bath to prevent body get itchy.(I know this one should be woman responsibility...but…I dun really care...as long as she need it…)

I always thought as long as devote all I can...maybe will be worth...currently...it proves all these are not necessary the best to everyone…it is really depend on each other’s feeling…the following is what I have been done all the time...and its not working surprisingly…

1. Giving anything to satisfy any she/he wants…

**Hm…things u gave not necessary are what she looking for…the thing she want maybe just a simple accompany for a couple hours and we are always forget about it.

2.Care of her anytime no matter she/ he need it or not…

**Caring her too much sometimes may bring stress to him/her, sometime we will more like a annoying fly to her...

3.Surprise she/ he aperiodically to refresh and warm up relationship and memory…

**Woman like surprise...nothing special to talk about it…but please learn to be smart...dun let her know before that…><

4.Mentally support and encourage when she/he is facing problem and stress…

**If those supports can be more directly like hugging her…its more effective than verbal or word sometimes…remember…action represent thousand words...

5.Be mature, because it is necessary for long time relationship…willing to forgive her/him for accidently mistake.

** It is reasonable…she/him is your lover...not doggy…if keep blaming each other…there is nothing advantage to this relationship…

6.Always think twice before speak out some things that may seriously hurt her/him.

**Sometimes those words u have spoken out may hurt him/her seriously…maybe you will feel nothing…but u never know the time you said…her/his heart were actually bleeding…always stand at people point of view…

7.Giving them privacy and space even both of you are couple…She/he may keep ex photo, but its does not mean she/ he still love with ex…its just for memory…so...be generous….

**Everyone has their pass…so why should we have to take over his/her pass…just because of the past they can learn from the mistake and keep reminding themselves not to repeat the same mistakes again…doesn’t it?